by Alisa Maeir Epstein, Master Life Coach
It is no secret that a leader is lonely at the top. The nonprofit director, the corporate executive, the chairman of the board, the army commander and the single parent experience true isolation, remoteness and separation from the rest of the pack. Even the singer and pop-culture "leader" Randy Newman writes in his song "Oh, It's Lonely at the Top".
At first glance, it seems that most leaders spend their days surrounded by other people, many who respect or like them. So why are they lonely? Psychologists tell us that loneliness is a subjective perceived state. We are lonely when we experience ourselves as emotionally isolated no matter how many others we have around us. Leaders make tough decisions, determine the outcome of essential situations, influence the livelihood of employees and affect the lives of many other people. Mostly, this is executed alone without any collaborators and may leave her or him feeling profoundly lonely.
Nonprofit leadership carries its own areas of expertise, rewards and challenges. It also has its own brand of loneliness and implications of this loneliness for the individual leader and the organization. Nonprofit directors are separated from the staff due to their topmost managerial responsibilities and from the Board of Directors due to their being an integral part of the staff as well as a paid functionary. They are also distant from the target population served – whom they are dedicated to and as a result might therefore have established the organization. This detachment from the field decreases the direct, visceral experience of the true meaning of their work.
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| Photo credit: Mic445 |
As I expounded in an earlier article, the organizational culture of the Nonprofit Sector sanctifies the needs of the serviced population and the devoted directors and staff do not allow themselves the luxury of deviating from THE CAUSE, even at the expense of their physical and mental wellbeing. They are highly vulnerable to burn out, often putting work ahead of their physical and mental health needs and above all other concerns.
A lonely leader may suffer increasingly from stress leading to impaired general performance, poor judgment, strained interpersonal relationships and lack of vision. On the personal level, it can affect job-satisfaction, family life and physical and mental health.
Besides increasing your awareness of the issue, how can you, a nonprofit leader, remedy the situation to your benefit and to the benefit of your organization? You might choose from the ideas below according to your circumstances and preferences:
1) Partner Support:
Identify an appropriate colleague in a similar organizational position to pair with for mutual support meetings. Maybe you know someone suitable with whom you already have a good rapport. Set periodic dates to meet and discuss problems regarding the issue of loneliness at the top. Perhaps once a month. You might have a weekly phone call during particularly stressful periods. It is highly recommended to choose an outsider from another nonprofit, one who is not in your organization. A colleague from your organization might have conflicting loyalties or agendas and might perceive some of your statements as "gossipy". A spouse, partner or other family member or friend would only be appropriate if they were professional colleagues in a similar position. It is very helpful to hear that others in leadership positions encounter similar problems and to learn how they cope with them. As well, you can brainstorm when it comes to new or complex situations.
2) Group Support:
Form a support group with or without a facilitator. Invite senior leadership of nonprofits to join you at set times, perhaps every six weeks. Be careful to determine specific agendas for the meetings so they will be focused and productive. Some ideas might be: the presentation of a case study for consideration by the members, analysis of an article read previously to the session (there are many on the Internet) or a guest speaker with a discussion following. The facilitator might be a group facilitator, a recommended coach or consultant, or one of the members who has experience in the area of group facilitation. Indeed, nonprofit leaders are swamped with work and might consider this just another meeting to attend and strain their energy and schedules.
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| Photo credit see here |
3) Life Coaching:
Seek Life Coaching from a coach with experience in the nonprofit world, such as myself or some of my colleagues. As opposed to organizational coaching – which is very helpful at times – the agenda here would be strengthening yourself as a leader and dealing with leadership issues in your particular and personal circumstances. This is especially advantageous if you encounter challenges which are unique to your status, of a partially personal nature or strictly confidential. As well, you might be one of those people who prefer one-on-one consultations with a professional. There are varying styles of Life Coaching. Make sure you first meet with a potential coach to evaluate if their method, approach and ambiance are appropriate for you. Ask for references and discuss your agenda and expectations.
Many organizations provide funding for such coaching since they benefit the organization greatly. A stressed and unsupported leader is not a good recipe for organizational success!
Alisa Maeir-Epstein offers Life Coaching for senior nonprofit executives seeking to maximize their leadership and work effectiveness while maintaining balance among competing personal values.
Email: alisa@israelgrants.com
Telephone:
In Israel: 0545-872-260
From Abroad: 972-545-872-260
